You know when you just feel the presence of God? When you can just sense him speaking to you?
Let me start from the beginning- this summer was extremely hard yet incredible at the same time. I had a job at the best coffee shop I could have dreamed of, and worked a job at a church that’s easily become my home.
So, going through an awful breakup, then getting back together, then breaking up again, was a huge learning curve for me. But it lead me to where I am now.
I threw myself into the arms of Christ and surrendered everything I had to him. And of course, he took me in as his daughter. Like always.
I was searching for study abroad programs, various missions programs, YWAM being the number 1 focus and just flinging my arms around searching for something I could not fulfill.
So, I was in numerous communications with various YWAM bases, however mostly one in Thailand. There were only two and one of them was here in Chaing Rai. About our second night in Poipet, Rose and I sat next to each other at dinner and she started asking me questions about myself and my background. It was great conversation, but she always turned it back to me. Part of that was me telling her how I got to being on this trip. And when I told her I was looking at a YWAM in Thailand, she briefly mentioned there was one close to her.
I thought nothing of it.
So, over summer none of the things I was planning were working out. So I surrendered it up to God because he told me to stop forcing things. I hated this.
I begged him for clarity, comfort and discernment and all he told me was to not think about going anywhere. So, that’s what I did.. Kinda..
Until one morning at church when there was a missions flyer in our weekly bulliten. So naturally I just walked over to the table to browse at the trips and happened to see a Thailand trip. My curiosity sparked but I remembered what God had told me.. Don’t think about it.
I Went home and prayed for a day or two until I heard God’s voice say “Go.”
Really God? That fast? There’s no way.. I’m just dreaming.
I happened to know the lady (Debbie Walton) heading the trip up because I work for her son at the church. So I just shot her a text asking for details and she called me saying she’d love for me to go. This was little confirmation but I was still second guessing.
Well, one thing led to another and I just made the security deposit out of faith and did the paperwork. Did I just do that? Guess so..
I had mentioned it to my parents and they didn’t show too much excitement and probably thought this was another one of my big dreams, and it was- but I took action.
So, as you all know, I sent out tons of support letters and fundraised the entire trip. With extra spending money.. This was real confirmation. I was going.
All that to say, today when we got here I finally felt that this is where I’m supposed to be. I felt home. I felt warmth and love for this place and these kids. They’re so so amazing! They don’t care about language barriers, they ran right up to me and started making faces at me and playing with our team before our luggage was even out of the car.
We took a beautifu night walk tonight (the sunset was amazing by the way!!) and walked maybe 200 yards and one of our Poipet team members Sumearn (pictures in my “Traveling Truck” post eating corn next to him), said, “you guys may know this place, it’s a YWAM.”
I got chills and kind of lost focus, but instead gained clarity. This is the YWAM base I’ve been in touch with the most over emails and it’s right here next to me.
Now, I know this may seem weird and you might be saying, “that doesn’t mean anything?” But remember when I said, you can just feel the spirit present with you? That’s all I have to explain it.
Refardless of what I was trying to force over summer, God had a plan already. I was going to be in Thailand no matter what. He knew that. I just had to trust him.
I had many doubters, “two weeks of school? Oh man, that’s not gonna work.” “It’s dangerous.” “You’ll get sick.” “You’ll hate it.”
Tonight I prayed for clarity and discernment from God about so many things that have been lining up and connecting and he had me in Jude.
I Was in tears earlier as I tried explaining things to my team member Tracy, and i could just sense the spirit overwhelming me with peace and joy.
But, I don’t want it to be from me. And which the feelings I felt, totally were not me but the spirit. But I’m still going to pray for an open mind and heart and discernment this week here in Chaing Rai.
My heart is to be a preschool teacher at North Coast Calvary, my home church in Carlsbad- but they need English teachers here as their #1 need. I’ve said for a while now that I’ve wanted to teach in a different country. But again, I’m praying this week with a heart of humility and openness to what God is telling me. He knows I’m desperate for his voice.
God, show me the way. You’ve already opened so many doors for me to get me here. Now let me see you in ways I haven’t before. Lead me where I’m supposed to go and what I’m supposed to do.